I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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