i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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