I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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