So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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