How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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