Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
