everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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