I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize