Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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