I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
