The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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