Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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