Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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