At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
