Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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