2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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