I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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