Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
