Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
