dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
