Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
