I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
