Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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