You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
