will power is for people who don't want to get laid
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
