I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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