i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
