Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
