Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize