Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
