i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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