i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
