I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
