My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Two words: nipple clamps
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