this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
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I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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