until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
