Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
