Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize