Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
