Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
