I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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