My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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