I skipped work to stalk him.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
