that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
