Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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