You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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