I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
