Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
