My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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