Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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