I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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