I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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