So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
