i permit you to call me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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