I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and she was petting her beer can
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
