The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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