I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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