I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
