I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
