Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
