just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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