Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
