I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
