Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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