This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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