its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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